Funny Christmas Jokes
At Christmas, mother says to Little Johnny, "Go on and light up the
Christmas tree Johnny.“
Johnny runs off happily and comes back after
a while, asking, „Should I light up the candles, too?“
“Christmas is less than two
weeks away. I do most of my shopping online. But I hire someone to honk and
scream obscenities at me while I'm doing it so I get the whole holiday
shopping experience." –Jimmy Kimmel
Why do spies rarely enjoy the
They hate giving away their presence.
What keeps falling but
never gets hurt?
Christmases are always quite hard on the turkeys, but at
least they don’t go hungry. In fact, they are stuffed since morning!
Funny how the year you stop believing in Santa is roughly the year you
start getting socks and clothes for Christmas.
"Christmas is a time for remembering. So that’s me f***ed.” Ozzy Osbourne
What goes oh-oh-oh? Santa doing the moonwalk.
What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies? Santa’s burps.
invisible and does NOT smell like milk and cookies? Santa’s farts.
prophecy: Yule be hearing lots of carols. Lots.
I heard of a guy who
shoplifted an Advent calendar. He got 24 days.
of the Best Christmas Jokes
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