Really Funny Clean Jokes
How come the barber won the race?
-
The cheater took a short cut.
Why do you call your dog ”I-know-what-you-did”?
-
I love how many
people jump 3 feet high when I start calling him.
That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last
second and later you realize the original answer was correct.
Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat
the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have
to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to
your family.
Child: But I don’t like bread!
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings
him on his cell phone.
“Honey,” she says in a worried voice, “please be careful.
There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way
down the highway.”
“Oh it's worse than that,” he replies, “there are
hundreds of them!”
Q: How many times could old Noah go
fishing?
A: Only twice. He only had 2 worms.
Paul to Jane:
Would you like to be my girlfriend?
Jane: That’s a bit direct. Can’t you
come up with something more beautiful?
Paul: I tried, but they didn’t
want.
Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
A guy calls the fire department and yells excitedly: “You have to come,
now, there’s a fire!”
“OK sir, but please tell us how do we get to you.”
The man asks, puzzled: “What, you don’t have them big red trucks anymore?”
What did one candle say to the other?
-
A: I'll be going out tonight.
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples
on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next
morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
The
magical golden fish agreed to grant three men a wish each.
The first man wished for a
room full of gold.
The second man wished for a room full of diamonds.
The third man wished for keys to those rooms.
Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't
even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
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