Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious Clean Jokes

Best first: Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
    
 Funny Clean Jokes

Really Funny Clean Jokes

 
How come the barber won the race?
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The cheater took a short cut.
Why do you call your dog ”I-know-what-you-did”?
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I love how many people jump 3 feet high when I start calling him.
That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.
Mother: Eat your bread.

Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.

Mother: So you become big and strong.

Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?

Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.

Child: But I don’t like bread!

An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.

“Honey,” she says in a worried voice, “please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway.”

“Oh it's worse than that,” he replies, “there are hundreds of them!”
Q: How many times could old Noah go fishing?

A: Only twice. He only had 2 worms.
Paul to Jane: Would you like to be my girlfriend?

Jane: That’s a bit direct. Can’t you come up with something more beautiful?

Paul: I tried, but they didn’t want.

Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
A guy calls the fire department and yells excitedly: “You have to come, now, there’s a fire!”

“OK sir, but please tell us how do we get to you.”

The man asks, puzzled: “What, you don’t have them big red trucks anymore?”
What did one candle say to the other?
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A: I'll be going out tonight.
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:

God sees everything.

The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
The magical golden fish agreed to grant three men a wish each.

The first man wished for a room full of gold.

The second man wished for a room full of diamonds.

The third man wished for keys to those rooms.
Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
 
Because there weren't even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
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