Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Husband and Wife Jokes

Best first: If it's true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers, it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.
    
 Bad, silly, dumb jokes

Short and Funny Marriage Jokes

‘Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?'
 
‘Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?'
They say a minute of laughter adds five minutes to your life.
That explains why God, after having created Man, lives forever.
If you and I were on a sinking ship, and there was but one life vest... I cannot express how much I would miss you.
Five Qualities of a Good Woman:
1. You should have a woman who works at home, who cooks, keeps things tidy and has a job.
2. You should have a woman who can make you smile and laugh.
3. You should have a woman you can trust, a woman who never lies to you.
4. You should have a woman who is good in bed and enjoys spending time with you.
5. And you should always, always keep these four women from ever meeting each other.
Good news: Your wife won’t talk to you.
Bad news: She wants a divorce.
Terrible news: She’s a lawyer…
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, Roger, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her … Why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

If it's true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers, it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.
Why does psychoanalysis work quicker with men than with women? Because when it's time to return to one’s childhood, the man is already there.
Good news: Your wife is pregnant, yay!
Bad news: She’s expecting triplets.
Terrible news: You’ve had vasectomy…
A husband asks his wife:
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If I died, would you marry again?
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Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
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No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.
Wife to husband: “Darling, John called you.“
“What did he say?“
He called to cancel the fishing trip tomorrow.
“Why?”
“Because the strip bar is closed for reconstruction."
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 Husband and Wife Jokes

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