Best Chuck Norris Jokes

The Best of Chuck Norris Jokes, Facts and Sayings!

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

While other children were playing in sand, Chuck was playing in concrete.

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes “Boo!” and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.

Chuck is able to slam a revolving door.

When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.

Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris once had an arm-wrestling competition with Superman. The bet was that the loser has to then wear his underwear on top of his trousers.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.

Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made of real cowboys!

Chuck Norris tried to lose weight. But Chuck Norris NEVER loses.

When Chuck Norris walks across the meadow, he doesn’t smell the flowers. The flowers smell him.

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