The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!
I was lying in bed last night, I got scared: “What if I died right now from very immensely, incredibly delayed crib death?”
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
Evil, mean, morbid and sarcastic jokes, quite tasteless and lacking class.
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
Why are cemeteries surrounded with walls?
Because people are dying
to get in there.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to
your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
A teenage boy to his father: “Father, I am not a virgin anymore.”
“Wow that's great. Come, let's sit down and drink something to celebrate this
Son: “Ok, I can drink with you but I really cannot sit down
for a while.”
asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?”
“Yes,̶`; replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was
charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I
had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it
took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them
Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
Little Johnny: “Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?”
you’ll be getting turkey, like every year!”
What do you call people who use the temperature method of contraception?
Doctor: You're obese.
Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
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