Very Funny Office Jokes and Puns
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't know the law? A judge.
A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It's no good trying to outrun it. It's catching up!”
The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I'm not trying to outrun the lion, I'm trying to outrun you!”
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
If an accountant's spouse cannot sleep, what is the best cure? Ask the accountant to talk about their work.
They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but lawyers can find you anywhere.
My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job.
I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.
While taking the interview, the employer asked the candidate:
Employer: So, how long did you work during your'e last job?
Candidate: 30 years
Employer: oh, you look young how old are you
Candidate: 20 years old
The employer was surprised and asked the candidate how she worked 30 years and has only been living for 20 years??
If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
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