Good Old Dad Jokes
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
Me: Close enough.
"Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the THINGS!" Love, Jake
My father was from Iceland and my mother was from Cuba. I'm an Ice Cube.
A boy came into the house with a sofa on his back. His father said, “How many times have I told you not to
accept suites from strangers!?”
You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”
Dad: “Ohhhhh
and I wondered what that
high-pitched grinding sound was!”
Dad to his son: “I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and
dumb.”
Stop whining, you will never be the man your mother is.
Son: “Is this insecticide good for mosquitos?”
–
Dad: “Not at all, it
kills them!”
Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator? No? Me neither, I
took the stairs.
"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I
can’t be buried here, boy?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m still
alive.”
“Dad you look tired.”
“Oh, you mean the dark circles under my eyes?
Those are the shadows of my great deeds.”
Dad: I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.
“Can you put the cat out, please?”
“Why, is it on fire?”
Dad: I love my rock-hard, honed six-pack so much I protect it with a
good layer of lard.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
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