The Best Redneck Jokes
Q: What do you get when you have 21 rednecks in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.
What do they call it in Kentucky? “Life Styles of the Rich and Famous.”
Q: How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Anyone else would have called it a "teethbrush".
Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
That way they can both watch wrestling.
You know you might be a redneck woman if:
You can’t help groaning
when you’re cooking sausages.
There’s a spit cup on your bedside
table.
You have more than one fur coat – all home made.
When
something should be stored cold, you put it in the shade.
You see
family reunions as a good chance to meet boys and your mother agrees.
You've ever had to get financing for a tattoo.
You’ve been
married three times but your in-laws are still the same people.
You
just can’t get dog hair out of your belly button.
Preparing a bubble
bath involves beans for dinner.
Your fridge and you weigh roughly the
same.
You owe money at the dollar store.
The school encourages
you to stay away from PTA meetings at your son’s school.
When you
bungee jump, you take the bridge with you.
You can burp your name.
Instead of crackers, you pull each other’s fingers at Christmas dinner.
You know you might be a redneck when:
You see a No crack sign and
you pull your pants up.
You see your farts as your best jokes.
The dog can’t help gagging whenever he sees you eat.
You finally
get to cutting the grass and find a car.
Your wife’s got a beer belly
and it turns you on.
You think the stock market has a fence around
it.
Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.
Your beard attracts birds.
You took out your toothpick only for
wedding pictures.
Fast food is hitting a possum at 80 mph.
You've at least once hit a deer with your car because the food store was
already closed.
You’ve ever had the thought rat traps made acceptable gifts.
A night trip to the bathroom involves mud boots.
People hear you
coming in your car quite a long time before they get to see you.
You
have lard on your bedside table.
You had to ditch your back seat
bench so all your children could fit in.
Sixth grade is senior year.
You have a really bad fall and the one thing you save is your beer.
You had to buy a VCR because all the wrestling matches are on when you're at
work.
You take your garbage to the dump and come back with more than
you brought there.
They banned you from the zoo because you distress
the monkeys.
You keep seeing your neighbors on Jerry Springer.
Why don’t rednecks get sick so often?
Germs have their pride too.
Why do pigeons fly over trailer parks with their backs down? There’s nothing
worth crapping on.
One redneck to the other: Do you think I should tell my folks I’m adopted?
How do you tell a redneck is married? There are tobacco spits on either side
of his pickup truck.
Q: What is 35 feet long and has 42 teeth?
A: A bus full of rednecks.
Q: What’s the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?
A: You just
have one set of grandparents to get presents from.
Redneck at the doctor: “Doc, I think I’m in trouble, I swallowed an ice cube
3 days ago and it ain’t come out yet.”
Why does a redneck girl have problems doing the breast stroke?
As soon she
gets wet she has to turn on her back.
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* A small note: It is NOT OK to use REDNECK JOKES,
although they are hilarious, to make actual people feel bad.
Putting others down never won anybody any real friends, even when people laugh with you at the
time.
You will be influenced by everything you
give out, so best give out
something positive. And hey, while you're at it, enjoy these mean,
wrong and ridiculously funny jokes, for, you know, academic purposes!
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