Funny Christmas Jokes
I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.
On Christmas morning two children are opening their presents. The younger gets a toy plane, remote control tank, a BB gun, two new bikes, and a XBOX 360. The older gets a sweater and a book. The younger begins to taunt the older brother saying "Look, I got way more presents than you."
The older replies, “Oh yeah? Well at least I don't have cancer!”
Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 is Dec 25
What did the strawberry say on December 25th? Berry Christmas!
It is not very much known that Santa has three
daughters. That is surprising because all that “ho-ho-ho” should have given
it away.
This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for
Christmas. I think this time we should let them in.
When I was buying our Christmas tree, the cheery seller asked if I’d be
putting it up myself.
Disgusting man, I’ll be putting it in our living room
of course!
What do
snowmen do in their spare time?
They’re just chilling.
Why won’t Christmas trees
stand up straight?
Well, they don’t have legs.
All throughout the Christmas Eve and the silent
wonders of the magical night, it is a happy Christmas. Then the kids barge
into the living room in search of gifts and turn the season to a happy
Christmess.
“Boss, can I take tomorrow off? My wife really needs help with
Christmas cleaning,” asks Joe.
“Are you out of your head, man?
I can’t give you a day off for this!” rumbles the boss.
“Oh thanks a
lot, boss,” Joe smiles, relieved, “I knew I could rely on you!”
What is the difference between a knight and Santa’s
reindeer?
The first one slays a dragon, the other’s draggin a sleigh.
When the three kings came to visit newborn Jesus, one of them slipped on the
straw and twisted his ankle. “Jesus Christ!” he yelled in pain.
Mary looked
questioningly at Joseph and said, “That actually sounds a lot better than
Chester, doesn’t it?”
So – Santa is this foreign guy with a
host of small people who build the toys we give our kids? Santa must be Chinese.
Two blondes roam the woods looking for a nice
Christmas tree. After hours of freezing and chasing away the odd wolf, one of the blondes brings down her axe
and says, “OK that’s
it. I’m taking the next right-sized tree we see and I don’t give a dime if
it’s decorated or not!”
Cats have it so much better… They have an indoor litterbox all year round.
Dogs only get less than a month of living-room Christmas tree.
What can you give away at Christmas and yet still keep?
Measles, for instance.
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