Pun Intended
What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Why did the balloon go near the needle?
He wanted to be a
pop star.
The guests in this hotel are always stealing all the soaps, shower gels
and shampoos from their rooms.
Dirty bastards!
What did the fish say when it hit its head on a wall?
Dam!!!
Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for
a calendar company.
I bought shoes from a second hand shop. I think they must've belonged to
some junkie though because I've been tripping the whole day.
Why did the octopus blush?
He’d just seen the bottom of the
ocean!!!!
Why did the boy peek down the toilet bowl?
He was trying to
find Winnie the Pooh.
Why was the toilet paper rolling down the mountain?
-
To get to the
bottom.
“Why is there music coming out of your printer?”
-
“That will be
the paper jamming again!”
Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a
woman. A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome
movie yesterday!”
A patient sobs to his doctor: “I feel like a pair of curtains!”
Doctor: “Well pull yourself together man!”
Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.
What did the sea say to the sand? Nothing, it simply waved.
Why don’t teddy bears ever really eat at their picnics?
Because they’re already stuffed.
I never knew eggs were good for the eyes, but my cousin claims they gave him eggcelent vision.
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