Short and Funny Jokes! Cat Jokes

Best first: How did the cat get the first prize at a bird show?
Somebody didn’t shut the champion’s cage properly.
 Funny Cat Jokes

Funny Cat Jokes | Cat Humor

“Our cat was stupid enough to drink some petrol yesterday. She spent two hours racing through the flat, then just flopped on her back and was totally still. “
“Oh no, is she dead?”
“No, just ran out of gas”
Q: What does a cat say when somebody steps on its tail?

A: Me-ow!
 A woman sits in a diner. A cat comes in, buys a chocolate ice cream and leaves.

The woman is totally astonished, “Wow – that was unusual”.

The diner manager agrees, “That’s right. She’s never asked for anything else but strawberry before.”
What is the one place your cat can sit in, but you can’t?

Your lap.
Q: What did the cat say when she was told the canary is off limits?

A: You’ve gotta be kitten me.
Two gangsters are about to break out of prison. The first one jumps off a wall into a trash container.

The guard shouts, “Who’s there?”;

Gangster replies, “MEOOOOOOW!”

The guard is relieved, “;Ah ok, just a cat.”

Then the second gangster jumps.

The guard gets suspicious, “Hello, anybody there?”

The second gangster yells,“Nah, just the cat again!”
Q: What do you call a cat who gets her way no matter what?

A: Purrsuasive.
A Chinese student is looking for an inexpensive room to rent. He finds one, but the owner warns him, “Yes, you can have the room. But we have a dog and two cats. I hope you like them.”
“No problem,” beams the student, “I’m happy to eat anything!”
What is the difference between a man and a cat?
One eats a lot, is lazy and doesn’t care who brings the food. The other is a pet.
 “What happened to your cat? He was running around the whole village like the devil was on his tail.”
“Well he got castrated yesterday and now he’s canceling all his dates.”
What is a cat’s favorite car?

“A Catillac”
I know people say dogs are smarter than cats.

But cats don't tell the police where you hid your drugs.
Sad Schrodinger's cat be like.

I am alive but I am dead inside.
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