Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her
birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn’t a
sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Granny, what
happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”
“Darling, I really didn’t like it.
After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new
thing was just far too scratchy.”
Teacher asks Little Johnny, “Johnny, how old is your father?”
“He’s as
old as me,” Johnny informs her.
“Now how would that be possible?”
inquires the surprised teacher.
“Well – he became father the day I was
born.”
English teacher asks class: “Which tense is the sentence ‘I AM
BEAUTIFUL’?”
Little Johnny replies, “Clearly, past tense.”
Little Johnny is making faces at school. The teacher catches him at it and
says, “You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret.
And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally can’t go back
and you end up really ugly.”
Little Johnny quiets and says, “Well, at
least you were warned…”
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a
special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
Daddy is surprised, “Really?
Special?”
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the
headmaster and two police officers.”
– Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
– Because I helped her.
– But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
– I helped
her eat her gummy bears.
Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my
class, Johnny.”
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t
speak quite so loud, I could.”
The class is having a guessing game and the teacher asks, “OK, what do you
call someone who keeps on talking even though nobody else is interested
anymore?”
Little Johnny shouts eagerly, “A teacher!”
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for
something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not,
Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs
Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”
The teacher was trying to put to use her recent psychology education.
She
asked everyone in her class, “Alright, if any of you think you are stupid,
please stand up!”
A few seconds pass by and then Little Johnny stands
up.
Startled, the teacher says, “Oh, do you think you're stupid, Little
Johnny?”
“No, Miss, but I didn’t want to leave you standing all alone!”
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