Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious Clean Jokes

Best first: What is white and sits on your TV?
A fly wearing a nightie.
 Funny Clean Jokes

Really Funny Clean Jokes


My wife is a bit weird. She always starts her talking with “Michael, are you listening to me?”
“Your waffle iron isn’t working, dear!”

“Please just stay away from my laptop grandma!!!”
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“
And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t have a penny anymore.
Bob: "Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30 ft ladder."

Jim: "No way man, are you okay?"

Bob: "Yeah, luckily I was just on the first step."
Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?

Passenger: No, I am in a hurry.
“Waiter, take your thumb off my schnitzel immediately!”
“Oh yeah? And have it fall down again!?”

A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”

Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”

Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”

Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”
The police stops a computer hardware engineer: “Your light isn’t working. You have to get off your bike.”

IT guy: “I tried that but the light still isn’t working.”
Insurance clerk: “Where were you born, Sir?”

Man: “In the United States.”

Insurance clerk: “OK, and which part?”

Man: “My entire body.”
My SMS autocorrect just changed “I’m so concerned with existential anxieties it is difficult to breathe” to “I feel great”
Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked her to marry me.

She said no, on both occasions.
Does your dog bite?


Oh, so how do you feed him?
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Clean Jokes

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