Really Funny Clean Jokes
My wife is a bit weird. She always starts her talking with “Michael, are you
listening to me?”
“Your waffle iron isn’t working, dear!”
–
“Please just stay away from my
laptop grandma!!!”
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of
many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured
him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“
And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t
have a penny anymore.
Bob: "Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30
ft ladder."
Jim: "No way man, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah, luckily I was
just on the first step."
Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit
down?
Passenger: No, I am in a hurry.
“Waiter, take your thumb off my schnitzel immediately!”
-
“Oh yeah? And
have it fall down again!?”
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow - so much!
Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third
question?”
The police stops a computer hardware engineer: “Your light isn’t working.
You have to get off your bike.”
IT guy: “I tried that but the light still
isn’t working.”
Insurance clerk: “Where were you born,
Sir?”
Man: “In the United States.”
Insurance clerk: “OK,
and which part?”
Man: “My entire body.”
My SMS autocorrect just changed “I’m so concerned with existential anxieties
it is difficult to breathe” to “I feel great”
Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked
her to marry me.
She said no, on both occasions.
Does your dog bite?
Nope.
Oh, so how do you feed him?
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