Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Husband and Wife Jokes

Best first: Men perfectly understand other people. Provided those other people are men.
    
 Bad, silly, dumb jokes

Short and Funny Marriage Jokes

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.
Men perfectly understand other people. Provided those other people are men.
A real man always accompanies his wife to the train station when she leaves. What other way to make sure she’s actually gone?
A little boy looks at his mom at a wedding and says, “Mommy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mom replies, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then asks, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it because the thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.
Why can’t married women get to heaven? Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet.
Telegram to husband: Wife dead. Bury or cremate?
Man: Take no chances. Burn, then bury ashes.
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."
Husband says: "Yep, it looks like he’s still celebrating!!"
“Why do you look so sad?”

“I wanted to drown my worries but the wife didn’t want to go in the water.”
  Q. Why do men so often die before their wives do?
Because they want to.
I’ve just had a really big row with my wife about going on holiday. I wanted to go to Paris; she wanted to come with me.
A man and his wife have to visit a doctor.

The doctor asks, “Do you two have the same blood group?”

The husband frowns, “We have to by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
“Honey what do you love most about me? My honed body or my charming face?”
–
“Your sense of humor.”
Q. What do bacon and wives have in common?
A. They both look, smell and taste fantastic; they both also kill you slowly.
I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad…..
But a few Middle Eastern weapons manufacturers offered a very nice price for her recipes.
If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.
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