Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Husband and Wife Jokes

Best first: A scientific study discovered that women with extra weight usually live longer than men who point it out.
 Bad, silly, dumb jokes

Short and Funny Marriage Jokes

Woman to her husband while at it: “Please say dirty things to me!”
Man: “Bath, Kitchen, Living room...”

A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”

The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
My wife and I had very happy twenty years. After that we met.
What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.  
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
Two friends meet. One says, “My husband got me a huge bouquet of roses the other day. Now I'll have to spread my legs for two weeks.”

The other one asks, bemused, “What, you don't have any vases?”
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? You marry it.
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
“Shall we make a nice weekend for each other, honey?”

“Oh, that would be lovely, Georgie!”

“Fantastic! Well, see you Monday.”
Why do they call it the “mother tongue”? Because the man never gets to put a word in.
Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”

Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
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 Husband and Wife Jokes

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