Short and Funny Marriage Jokes
‘Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?'
‘Honey, if I say
yes, will you jump?'
They say a minute of laughter adds five minutes to your life.
explains why God, after having created Man, lives forever.
If you and I were on a sinking ship, and there was but one life
vest... I cannot express how much I would miss you.
Five Qualities of a Good Woman:
1. You should have a woman who works
at home, who cooks, keeps things tidy and has a job.
2. You should have
a woman who can make you smile and laugh.
3. You should have a woman you
can trust, a woman who never lies to you.
4. You should have a woman who
is good in bed and enjoys spending time with you.
5. And you should
always, always keep these four women from ever meeting each other.
Good news: Your wife won’t talk to you.
Bad news: She wants a divorce.
Terrible news: She’s a lawyer…
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the
road, Roger, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding
the door for her … Why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I barely
know the woman!”
If it's true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers,
it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.
Why does psychoanalysis work quicker with men than with women? Because when
it's time to return to one’s childhood, the man is already there.
Good news: Your wife is pregnant, yay!
Bad news: She’s expecting
Terrible news: You’ve had vasectomy…
A husband asks his wife:
If I died, would you marry again?
darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I
died, would you remarry?
No, I think I’d go and live with your sister
Wife to husband: “Darling, John called you.“
“What did he say?“
called to cancel the fishing trip tomorrow.
“Because the strip
bar is closed for reconstruction."
Man: “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
Friend: “Why not?”
Man: “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Husband and Wife Jokes
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