Short and Funny Jokes! Top 50 Dog Jokes

Best first: I went to the zoo – and all they had was one small dog. It was a shih-tzu.
 Very Funny Dog Jokes and Dog Puns

Funny Dog Jokes and Puns

Dog dictionary

 Toilet bowl: A heavenly dispenser of nice, fresh water.

 Hearing: A variable skill.

 Its intensity depends on whether it applies to a fridge door opening half a mile away behind three closed doors, or whether your own name is being shouted in an angry way or in a way that threatens Vet (see Vet).

 Garbage bin/bag: Source of food.

 Spread contents over as wide an area as possible.

 Drooling: When humans are eating, drooling can be a very effective food-producing skill.

 For best results, drool must be gotten onto the humans’ trousers/skirt.

Use also for fun – when driving in a car with humans, place head between two humans in the front seat.

 Drool gently and in great volume on their arms/shoulders.

 Rejoice at effects.

 Resting place: Anything, really.

 White, freshly vacuumed surfaces with good capacity for getting hair stuck to it are best.

 Sofa: See resting place.

 Also serves as napkin after particularly satisfying meals (see Roadkill).

 Vet: Satan, the Destroyer of Worlds, Bringer of Woe, Remover of Testicles.

 Leash: A device allowing you to lead your human to a place you desire.

 Excellent for muscle-building exercise.

 Bicycle: Very good cardio equipment.

 If you find the exercise/the rider too slow for you, you can increase its speed by running even closer to the vehicle and barking.

 It will pick up its pace very satisfyingly.

 Fireworks: A sure sign that the world as we know it is coming to an end and the reign of Vets (see Vet) is beginning.

 Sniffing: A polite way of showing interest in the creature you are meeting.

 With dogs, rectal area is best.

 When meeting humans, sniff the crotch.

 Roadkill: One of the most universal items you can find.

 Can be used as food, deodorant or toy.

 Dogs are the best alarm clocks.

 When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.
Will sell dog.


 Eats anything.

 Loves children.
Q: Why is a dog superior to a flea?

A: A dog can have a flea but a flea can’t have a dog.
Q: What is a caterpillar’s biggest natural enemy?

A: A doggerpillar.
Q: What market shouldn't you take your dog to.

A: The flea market.
Q: What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?

A: A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.

“They say the dog is man's best friend.

 I don't believe that.

 How many of your friends have you neutered?”

 – Larry Reeb
Q: Why did the dog lie down?

A: He found lying up a little hard.
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?

A: To catch the chicken.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A: A friend you can count on.
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