Funny Dog Jokes and Puns
Dog dictionary
a.
Toilet bowl: A heavenly dispenser of
nice, fresh water.
b.
Hearing: A variable skill.
Its intensity depends on whether it applies to a fridge door
opening half a mile away behind three closed doors, or whether your own name
is being shouted in an angry way or in a way that threatens Vet (see Vet).
c.
Garbage bin/bag: Source of
food.
Spread contents over as wide an area as possible.
d.
Drooling: When
humans are eating, drooling can be a very effective food-producing skill.
For best results, drool must be gotten onto the humans’
trousers/skirt.
Use also for fun – when driving in a car with humans, place head between two
humans in the front seat.
Drool gently and in great volume on their
arms/shoulders.
Rejoice at effects.
e.
Resting place: Anything, really.
White, freshly vacuumed surfaces with good capacity for
getting hair stuck to it are best.
f.
Sofa: See resting place.
Also serves as napkin after
particularly satisfying meals (see Roadkill).
g.
Vet:
Satan, the Destroyer of Worlds, Bringer of Woe, Remover of Testicles.
h.
Leash: A
device allowing you to lead your human to a place you desire.
Excellent
for muscle-building exercise.
i.
Bicycle: Very good cardio equipment.
If you
find the exercise/the rider too slow for you, you can increase its speed by
running even closer to the vehicle and barking.
It will pick
up its pace very satisfyingly.
j.
Fireworks: A
sure sign that the world as we know it is coming to an end and the reign of
Vets (see Vet) is beginning.
k.
Sniffing: A polite way of showing interest in the creature
you are meeting.
With dogs, rectal area is best.
When meeting
humans, sniff the crotch.
l.
Roadkill: One of the most universal items you can find.
Can be used as food, deodorant or toy.
Dogs are the best alarm clocks.
When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame
that.
Will sell dog.
Easy-going.
Eats anything.
Loves children.
Q: Why is a dog superior to a flea?
A: A dog can have a flea but a
flea can’t have a dog.
Q: What is a caterpillar’s biggest natural enemy?
A: A doggerpillar.
Q: What market shouldn't you take your dog to.
A: The flea
market.
Q: What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is
extremely dangerous?
A: A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.
“They say the dog is man's
best friend.
I don't believe that.
How many of your friends have you
neutered?”
– Larry Reeb
Q: Why did the dog lie down?
A: He found lying up a little hard.
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To catch the chicken.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
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