Very Funny Office Jokes and Puns
Do you know what happens if you piss of a pilot? He takes off.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.
I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?"
The man says, “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You cannot do this, I'm a congressman!"
The thief replied, "In that case, give me MY money!"
How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert. He stares at YOUR shoes while he talks to you.
The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
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