Very Funny Office Jokes and Puns
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Why can't designated hitters bake pancakes? They also forget the batter.
Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now! After you left yesterday saying that you had to go to your grandma's funeral, she called the office looking for you.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, damn it," he proclaims, "Some asshole has my pen!"
I use artificial sweetener at work. I add it to everything I say to my boss.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Employer: We need someone responsible for the job.
Job Applicant: Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible
I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office? I can clearly see "you're" nuts....
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
When my coworker answered his phone, the confused woman on the other end asked, “Who is this?”
"This is Steve. With whom did you wish to speak?”
After a pause: “Did you just say whom?”
“Yes, I did.”
The woman replied, “I have the wrong number,” and hung up.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
What do you call a bench full of white people? The NBA!
Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
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