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Amazingly Funny Quotes

Funny, witty, sarcastic, amazing - the best the cream of society came up with and was caught saying.

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
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Benjamin Franklin

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
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Bill Murray

“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.”
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Bill Murray

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
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George Bernard Shaw

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
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Groucho Marx

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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George Carlin

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
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Anonymous

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
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Robert Frost

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
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Edgar Bergen

“If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.”
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Bill Murray

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Groucho Marx

The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
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Will Rogers

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
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Elbert Hubbard

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