Short and Funny Jokes! Fun Quotes

    
 

Amazingly Funny Quotes

Funny, witty, sarcastic, amazing - the best the cream of society came up with and was caught saying.

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“My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop.”
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Bill Murray

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Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
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Robin Williams

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“I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like.”
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Bill Murray

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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them as much.
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Oscar Wilde

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“I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.”
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Bill Murray

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Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
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Marilyn Monroe

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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
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Dave Barry

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I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.
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Will Ferell

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I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!
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Will Ferell

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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
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Douglas Adams

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I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
-
 Chris Rock

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Off to Azerbaijan!
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Eddie Izzard

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Funny Quotes

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