Amazingly Funny Quotes
Funny, witty, sarcastic, amazing - the best the cream of society came up with and was
caught saying.
“I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just
knock unhealthy food out of my hands.”
–
Bill Murray
A diplomat is someone who can tell you
to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
-
Caskie
Stinnett
I dream of a better tomorrow, a tomorrow where chickens can cross roads
without being questioned about their motives.
-
Anonymous
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that water is the element
usually chosen by the Fire Department.
-
Anonymous
When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
-
George Burns
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
Anonymous
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those
of us who do.
-
Isaac Asimov
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top
for it.”
-
Jerry Seinfeld
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life on teaching them how to
walk and talk. You then spend the next 16 years yelling at them to sit down
and shut up.
-
Anonymous
“They don’t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to
know about celery.”
–
Bill Murray
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss
and work twelve hours a day. -
Robert Frost
We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will
eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the
Internet, we know this is not true.
-
Robert Wilensky
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve
people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
-
Norm Crosby
“The beef is so undercooked it’s starting to eat the salad!”
Gordon
Ramsay (TV Chef)
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