Amazingly Funny Quotes
Funny, witty, sarcastic, amazing - the best the cream of society came up with and was
“I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just
knock unhealthy food out of my hands.”
A diplomat is someone who can tell you
to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I dream of a better tomorrow, a tomorrow where chickens can cross roads
without being questioned about their motives.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that water is the element
usually chosen by the Fire Department.
When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those
of us who do.
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life on teaching them how to
walk and talk. You then spend the next 16 years yelling at them to sit down
and shut up.
“They don’t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to
know about celery.”
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss
and work twelve hours a day. -
We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will
eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the
Internet, we know this is not true.
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve
people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
“The beef is so undercooked it’s starting to eat the salad!”
Ramsay (TV Chef)
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