Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious One Liners!

Best first: When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
    
 Joker

The Funniest Jokes Top 100

 
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.” 
Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”
Doctor: I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live. Patient: What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!

Doctor: Nine.
Mom, where do tampons go?

Where the babies come from, darling.

;In a stork???!!!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
-
Snowballs.
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?

My name is Paul.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
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Funniest Jokes of All Times

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See also: New jokes