Short and Funny Jokes! The Funniest Jokes Top 100

Best first: "How do you tell that a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.

The Funniest Jokes Top 100

The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.
How do you tell that a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.
I was in a restaurant once and I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music. After just a few songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... That was when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn’t get bacon seeds anywhere.
What is short and would be very disturbing at breakfast?

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn’t count.

Woke up with a dead leg this morning. I will not take out a loan with the mafia ever again.
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See also: New jokes