Short and Funny Jokes! The Funniest Jokes Top 100

Best first: When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

The Funniest Jokes Top 100

One state official to the other: I don't know what people have against us - We haven't done anything.
‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ generally mean the same thing – except at funerals.

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
His opponent comments: That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very feeling man. The man, recovering himself, replies, Yeah, well we were married 35 years.
What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?

Chicken Caesar salad.
Why do you see so few black people on ocean cruises?
Well, they're not going to fall for that one again.

Doctor: Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years.
But doctor, I am already 80!
You see - I told you to quit smoking.

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!

Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.

Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

Oh welcome home darling, he says, my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello.

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

What does a cloud with an itchy rash do?
Finds the nearest skyscraper.
Which bees produce milk? The boo-bees!
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Funniest Jokes of All Times

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See also: New jokes