Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Sayings

 
 

Cool and Funny Sayings

Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection.

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No thanks, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.

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What can you say when it's already late and you really want to go home?

Can you hear that? That's my pillow calling and it becomes really mean when I let it wait too long.

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Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.

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My mood is currently swinging between an axe and gasoline.

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I’m aware that the voices in my head aren’t real. But their ideas are just awesome sometimes!

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I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.

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Laziness Rule No.1: If an object falls under the bed, it is lost forever.

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You can only be young once. But you can enjoy being infantile forever.

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I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.

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Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.

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I’m not lazy. I’m just naturally a very relaxed person.

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He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

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A housewife's battle:

The household stares at me. I stare right back. Without breaking eye contact, I slide a piece of chocolate in my mouth. I won!

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Funny Sayings

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