Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Sayings

Best first: My mood is currently swinging between an axe and gasoline.
 Funny sayings

Cool and Funny Sayings

Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection.

No thanks, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.
What can you say when it's already late and you really want to go home?

Can you hear that? That's my pillow calling and it becomes really mean when I let it wait too long.
Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.
My mood is currently swinging between an axe and gasoline.
I’m aware that the voices in my head aren’t real. But their ideas are just awesome sometimes!

I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.
Laziness Rule No.1: If an object falls under the bed, it is lost forever.
You can only be young once. But you can enjoy being infantile forever.
I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.
Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
I’m not lazy. I’m just naturally a very relaxed person.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
A housewife's battle:

The household stares at me. I stare right back. Without breaking eye contact, I slide a piece of chocolate in my mouth. I won!
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Funny Sayings

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