Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Sayings

Best first: If you see nothing you could be grateful for, check your pulse.
 Funny sayings

Cool and Funny Sayings

Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection.

I’m very sorry to interrupt you, but you must have mistaken me for somebody who’s interested.
Error, no keyboard connected. Press F1 to continue.
If you see nothing you could be grateful for, check your pulse.
Nature didn’t give me enough middle fingers to let me express my opinion of you.
You have to excuse me, I suffer from emotional constipation. I really can’t give a shit.
Wow, doesn’t your butt get jealous at the amount of crap that comes out of your mouth?
If at first you don't succeed, blame somebody else and find a good counselor.
Looking at the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken must have been around 8 or 11 feet tall.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what’s he done to you?
It is a fact of nature that light arrives faster than sound. Which is why some people can appear quite bright, until they speak.
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, you better not be standing in her way.
I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.
How many times must I flush before you finally go away?
I'm really good at stuff until somebody watches me do that stuff.
There are two key rules in life. 1. Never give away all of the information.
You may have one but that doesn't mean you have to act like one.
It is what’s inside that matters - the fridge is a perfect example.
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Funny Sayings

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