Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Sayings

Best first: Funny that you can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter".
 Funny sayings

Cool and Funny Sayings

Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection.

I am awake. That is about all I am able to comment on regarding my current status.
If a bra is called ‘over the shoulder bolder holder’, men’s underwear should definitely be known as ‘under the butt nut hut’.
Sorry, I can’t hang out. My auntie’s cousin’s brother in law’s best friend’s accountant’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Some other time maybe.
A sound defense:

Crazy? Me? Nah - It was the voices that told me to do it.
All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
Funny that you can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter".
Warning! User Error. Kindly replace user and press a key to continue.

Money alone won’t make you happy. You’ve got to own it.
I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.
If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.

Dogs have beloved masters. Cats have waiting staff.
Somebody exhorting you to rise and shine?

The early bird can kiss my butt.
I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.
Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.
Of course you're not fat. Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us.
We got divorced on the grounds of religious differences. My husband thought he was God.
You look just like I feel...
It is a truth universally acknowledged that your urge to pee intensifies as you are unlocking the door.
How stupid are you?
a) very
b) A
c) B
I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor though.
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Funny Sayings

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