Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Sayings

Best first: Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn.
 Funny sayings

Cool and Funny Sayings

Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection.

Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
If you want to keep a true perspective of your own importance, get a dog that will worship you and a cat that will scorn you.
When you’re calling a woman, you need to call her twice. First time to give her a chance to find the phone in her handbag, the second time for her to actually answer.
Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn.
Some people's x-rays actually look much better than their photographs.
If the grass is greener on the other side, fair bet is, the water bill is higher too.
A bag of money can be a symbol not only of wealth, but also of tremendous inflation.
The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when you’re trying to find your smartphone.
Of course I can keep secrets. But the people I tell them to obviously can't.
Love is staying awake all night with either a sick child, or a healthy adult.
My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.
My middle finger salutes you!
Whenever four New Yorkers get into a cab together with no arguing, a bank has just been robbed.
Yes, the early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Television is a medium – anything well done is rare.
Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right, me neither.
Help a woman when she’s in trouble. She will remember you when she’s in trouble again.
Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation.
He who laughs last is a bit of a slow thinker.
I’ll be there to catch you whenever you fall. Love, the floor.
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Funny Sayings

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