Short and Funny Jokes! Funny Sayings

Best first: Just you keep on talking, for sure someday you’ll say something intelligent.
 Funny sayings

Cool and Funny Sayings

Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection.

Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.
Funny pick up line: Hey sweetie, your first name goes really well with my last name!
Just you keep on talking, for sure someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Promises are like babies… They’re fun to make but hard to deliver.
Men with piercings are ideal marriage material. They are not new to pain and they have experience with buying jewelry.

- Gabi Köster -
Now that's just plain unfair:

"To work in order to stop yourself thinking is also laziness."

Herman Bang
Monday office chat:
There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.
Top 10 funny messages for an answering machine message

1. Hello, this is Frank's fridge. If you leave a message, I will attach it on my door with a magnet.
2. Hello, I am David's answering machine. And who are you?
3. Hello, this is Death speaking. If you leave your name and telephone number, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
4. Hi, I'm at home but unfortunately too drunk to find the telephone. Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I'm capable of it.

5. Hello, this is Daniel's answering machine. Please leave a message between the beeps: Beep-beep. Nothing? OK, good bye.
6. Hello, this is Anna's answering machine. I'm always here for you and I love listening to you. Please leave a message after the beep.
7. No, please not the beep. Please, noooo.... Beep
8. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you. Please speak after the beep.
9. Hello, you are connected to the Vatican. All the confessionals are currently busy. Please explain your sins in full detail after the tone.
10. Hello? Hello? Yes, Aha... Well this is Tony's answering machine. Sorry he's not here. But you can leave him a message after the tone.

Panic, Chaos, Pandemonium – my work here is finished.
It's perfectly fine to talk to yourself, it is only when you start hearing new things this way when you should start thinking about seeing somebody.
 Rule No. 1: Women are always right.

Rule No. 2: If a woman is not right, Rule No.1 applies.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.
The human body was clearly designed by a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline running through a recreational area?
May I be excused? My brain is quite full.
Girls want a lot from one guy. On the other hand, a guy only wants one thing from a lot of girls.
Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.
A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth.
When somebody talks crap:
“Here, have a tissue. There’s still a bit of bullshit left on your mouth.”
There is a thin line between fishing and simply sitting on the river bank looking like an idiot.
A good lawyer knows the law back and forth; a clever lawyer also takes the judge to lunch.
When the weekend is over:

Where exactly was I in the night from Friday to Monday???
The perfect man doesn’t swear, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t drink. He also doesn’t exist.
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Funny Sayings

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