New Jokes
Fresh and Funny!
An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.
A
pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing
train.
The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
A woman starts chatting to a man on a subway: “Hello my name is Margaret.”
The man replies: “Mine not.”
Today, I found a mosquito, I sat right next to it and kept on buzzing so he
would see what it’s like, not being able to sleep!
I thought I’d tell you a good time travel joke – but you didn't like it.
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is
surprised, “Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours
at least!” “Yeah, well, it was a wrong number.”
Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Michael: The good news.
Paul: The good news is that I have no bad
news.
To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant. But the thought that an
insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something
quite different.
If you
accidentally drop your iPhone in the water, leave it lying on top of a bowl of
rice for 24 hrs. The rice attracts Asians who will automatically fix your
electronics for you.
An elderly man was on the operating
table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just
before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
“Don’t be nervous,
boy, just do your best and just remember, if it
doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come
and live with you and your family.”
What do you call a woman who always knows for sure where her husband is? A
widow.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
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