The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes
Q. What’s brown and very bad for your dental health?
A. A baseball bat.
A meeting of the “Castrated Anonymous”
-
High-pitched male voice:
Welcome. I hope you all arrived safe and sound.
-
Deep male voice:
Yes
-
High-pitched male voice: You in the second row, please leave
the room right now.
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think
you’ll be next?”
We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started
doing the same to them at funerals.
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: “So, I'm getting married again
next week, doc!”
“Oh, that’s wonderful! And how old is the bride?”
“She’s 19.”
“That’s fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much
action in the bed can be deadly!”
“Ah well, if she dies, I’ll just
have to remarry.”
Why did little Jimmy drop his lolly?
Because he got hit by a train.
What do you call a man who was born in Wichita, grew up in Alaska, and then
died in Texas?
Dead.
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If
anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them
off tomorrow.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale.
Fair enough.
I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
Mom, can I lick the bowl clean?
No Kevin, you
flush just like the rest of us.
A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and
irritated, remarks, I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
What animal has five legs?
-
A pitbull returning from a playground.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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