The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Why do women bleed every month?
Because they deserve it!
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity
hospital, “I want to call my little baby Ellie.”
Nurse replies, “I’m
sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her
Ellie532 or Ellie_153?”
Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
Patient: Understand what?
If you think things couldn’t possibly get any worse, you simply lack
Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?
Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.
A man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop
assistant, “Does your dog bite?”
“No, my dog doesn’t bite.”
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him
viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop
clerk, “Hey, you said your dog doesn’t bite!”
The shop clerk shrugs, “He
doesn’t. But that wasn’t my dog.”
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering
“Chun Yu Yan” over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and
googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means “You’re
standing on my oxygen tube.”
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