Best of Black Humor | Sarcastic Jokes Part 5

The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes

Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.

Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?

Patient: What condition?

There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

Why do women bleed every month?

Because they deserve it!

A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, “I want to call my little baby Ellie.”

Nurse replies, “I’m sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?”

Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.

Doctor: I understand.

Patient: Understand what?

If you think things couldn’t possibly get any worse, you simply lack imagination.

Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?

Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

A man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, “Does your dog bite?”
“No, my dog doesn’t bite.”
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, “Hey, you said your dog doesn’t bite!”
The shop clerk shrugs, “He doesn’t. But that wasn’t my dog.”

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.

I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Chun Yu Yan” over and over – and then died.

I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube.”

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The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes