The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes
Two turkeys are looking at the sky at dusk and one asks the other: „Do you
believe in life after Christmas?“
Why have trips to England become so popular with Siamese twins?
It
gives the other one a chance to drive a car, too.
“Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
“;To the morgue.”
”What? But I’m not dead yet!“
“And we’re not there yet.”
Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80.
Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.
Doctor: See, I told you
to live healthier!
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One
takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
-
“This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's
also a martyr!”
-
The second Arab nods, “They blow
up so fast, don't they?”
A man visits a doctor for a checkup. When it’s over, the doctor tells him he
has bad news. “You have only six months to live.”
The man digests it for a
while and then exclaims, “There's just one thing I can do, I have to become
a Communist.”
Surprised, the doctor asks, “But you've been a patriotic
American all your life, why would you become a Communist now?”
The man says,
“Better when one of them dies than one of us!”
Q: Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
A: To get to
the second hand shop.
Man is asked at the hospital:
How tall are you?
5'8’’, doctor.
I’m very sorry, but I’m not the doctor. I’m the
carpenter.
- But mum, I don't want to go to America.
- Hush child and keep swimming.
A guy asked at a skydiving school, “If the chute doesn't open and the reserve
doesn't open either, how long until we hit the ground?”
The instructor
looked at him and said, “The rest of your life.”
Doctor says to the patient:
“There’s no need for you to worry about your heart. It will work for as long
as you live.”
Two cannibals are chewing a clown. One says to the other: “Hey, does it
taste kinda funny to you?”
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